We’ve all heard the quotes:

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”

“Our greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”*

 

And sure, these sentiments and quotes often come across at trite, but at their core, they are teaching us about resilience: our capacity to deal with adversity and challenge.

 

And how we respond to challenging situations makes a huge difference.  We may not have any control over the situations that come our way, but how we respond to them can have a major impact on our overall well-being.  Some people seem to be naturally more resilient than others, but there are also things we can do to improve our own resilience:

 

1. See the good.

Choosing to find benefits or see the good in situations (in other words boosting our positivity), can actually improve our resilience.  This doesn’t mean we become Pollyanna–we can still experience the bad, the disappointing, the tragic.  But in our day-to-day lives–while still grounded in reality– we choose to focus on the good.

 

2. Express gratitude.

Research suggests that giving thanks and feeling grateful has many psychological and physical benefits, among them a greater ability to cope with challenges that come our way.  Life is full of those roadblocks and obstacles, so try a gratitude journal, or start a family ritual and ask your kids what they are grateful for today (you might be surprised at what they say!).

 

3. Take time to relax.

We all live fast-paced lives, but when we go-go-go all the time, we are often depleting our stores of resilience.  When our bodies are under constant stress, we are less likely to cope well when even more stress is loaded onto our plates.  Making time to slow down, relax, and recover will help us recharge emotionally and physically so we can better handle whatever comes our way next.

 

4. Connect.

The most resilient people have strong social support networks and know how to use them.  Accept support from those who want to help, but also reach out and ask for help in times of need.  Resilient people know they don’t have to struggle alone.

 

5. Accept change as a part of life.

The world is constantly changing and our lives are constantly changing.  Some changes are truly difficult to deal with: death, accident, job loss.  But we often resist other, smaller changes in our lives as well (the grocery store remodel, new brand of toothpaste) and this resistance creates additional stress for us.  Allowing yourself to be more flexible and accept these smaller changes will actually set you up for greater resilience when larger obstacles come your way.

 

6. See setbacks as an opportunity to grow.

Those who see challenges and setbacks as learning opportunities usually fare better than those who feel victimized and ask “why me?”  It’s easy to feel this way, but we become paralyzed by negativity and we aren’t able to move forward.  This doesn’t mean we don’t feel angry/sad/mad about this situation: it simply means that after we have felt all those emotions, we are able to ask ourselves, how can I grow from this experience?

 

These are all simple things we can do to improve our resilience, but it doesn’t mean any of them are easy.  But we never grow or become stronger by taking the easy path, do we?

 

 

I’ll let Viktor Frankl sum things up for me:

“BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE THERE IS A SPACE. IN THAT SPACE IS OUR POWER TO CHOOSE OUR RESPONSE.  IN OUR RESPONSE LIES OUR GROWTH AND OUR FREEDOM.”

 

xo Kate

*[quotes by Vivian Green, Vince Lombardi, Nelson Mandela]