Change is a tricky business: in some ways it’s inevitable, like those gray hairs that you’ve started pulling out, or those few extra pounds you gained last year. Over time, you find yourself with a new house, a new car, new friends.
However you cut it, change is the only constant in our lives.
Yet creating internal change feels almost impossible at times. We hold on to old habits and old patterns, in an effort to keep some things the same in an ever-changing and unpredictable world. This seeming inability to change can cause us a lot of frustration.
“That’s just the way she is– she’ll never change,” we say about Great-Aunt Agnes, who starts an argument every holiday.
Or we excuse ourselves from making diet/ exercise/ lifestyle changes that we know will make us happier/ healthier because “it’s just the way we are.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing: that’s just not true.
Sure, we might have developed habits, or personality quirks, or fallen into patterns along the way, and we often identify ourselves by these traits—but they aren’t permanent.
Maybe you are the glass-half-empty gal, and you just can’t help but see the worst possible outcome in any given situation. Or you are the “messy” one in the family and your closet seems to explode all on its own.
These behaviors, patterns, and thoughts have become part of your identity. They are how you see yourself and how your friends describe you. But they aren’t actually you. They are nothing more than learned habits.
And many of these habits are fine. If you’ve managed to keep a steady job and not annoy too many friends, maybe it’s not the end of the world if punctuality isn’t your strong suit.
Yet some of our habits bother us deep down because we don’t feel we have any control over them.
But the truth is, we do because habits and patterns can be relearned–and it’s never too late.
Some of our patterns might be deeply ingrained and difficult to relearn—I will be honest—change is hard. But that doesn’t mean we have to fall back on excuses about how “we are the way we are.”
Neuroplasticity refers to the way our neural pathways, or brain patterns, work. And what scientists have been finding is that these brain patterns aren’t fixed—they can be remolded into something new.
When you brush your teeth, you probably pick up your toothbrush in the same hand each time, apply toothpaste the same way, and brush in the same pattern.
A lot of our other habits or behavior patterns work this way. Think about those neural paths like a river flowing through a canyon for years and years. Over time, the water carves that canyon into a gorge, making it deeper and more defined.
Change means finding a way to redirect the water, so that small streams start moving some of that water from the gorge into other channels.
Over time, we can redirect more and more water until that deep gorge is all dried up and the water naturally takes another path.
Obviously this doesn’t happen overnight and this is where the work comes in.
It takes about 21 days to form a new habit, so think about each day as adding to those small streams as we divert water away from our deeply ingrained habits.
Instead of reaching for a doughnut, teach yourself to close your eyes and take a deep breath or chew gum when you encounter stress. Over time, that impulse to react a certain way will start to fade, and your new habit will start to take over.
Unfortunately, we often can’t change other people or our external circumstances—your boss is still going to give you impossible deadlines and Aunt Agnes is still going to start arguments—but we can’t let our excuses about others or ourselves prevent us from creating the change we wish to see. By changing your reaction, you have the power to change the situation. Be your own change.
ARE YOU READY TO CREATE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE? JOIN ME!
I’ve created my 21-Day Mind/Body Makeover program to teach you how to take charge of your life, your body, and your happiness by creating healthy habits in 21 days. No major lifestyle overhauls required, and you can do the program from anywhere! Registration opens soon! Click here to learn more. I hope you’ll join me!
